DEAR LESLIE,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for several years on and off. We’re currently off and dating around but are still in communication. I miss him all the time. He most recently shared that he loves me but he’s not sure if I’m the one. How can I get him to marry me?
– Ringonthebrain
Dear Ring on the Brain…,
We have all been there. You meet someone, fall head over heels believing the feelings to be mutual but, over time, slowly realize that your partner may not be willing to make you their happily ever after.
Of course, there were ———are feelings. Valid and legit in their own right, however, not what we wanted them to be. As a result, more often than not, desperately, we feel the need to dig our heels in to prove somehow that this is it, the perfect relationship, and somehow, we could magically fix what was not there in the first place. We believe that we have somehow failed because we liked or loved someone more than they liked or loved us back, and when self-esteem is low, the need to prove otherwise is ever-present. Or worse, get lost in the chase for the chase’s sake.
To alleviate the pain of rejection is not to view it as rejection at all. It’s not why they won’t marry you but why you shouldn’t marry them. Take a look in the mirror, realize your self-worth, and question if one should sacrifice their values, dreams, goals, or happiness to gain the required love that was never really there. Do not sell yourself short. In other words, choose you. Dump what does not work for you and commit yourself to find what does, what fills you up, makes you laugh, smile, and feeling loved.
No relationship is indeed perfect, but there is an intuitive connection we have when we meet the one, the love of our life. It is easy – no guessing games – no push to commit – no feelings of insecurity – it is a positive, fun-loving experience shared by both partners.